Karlo...you so crazy!

Sometimes I read something so crazy it makes me cackle out loud, using my cackle-laugh, not my giggling or somewhat-amused laugh. The cackle laugh is ugly.

I will not pretend to have dug up this little nugget myself...I found it on the (in my opinion) bestest gossip blog around, laineygossip.com, that is. These little diamonds are outta the mouth of none other than Karl Lagerfeld himself, in an interview tih the Sunday Times:

“They sent a private jet. I said, ‘It’s too small. I need a bigger plane.’ It’s fun, no?”

“I buy my shoes a size too small. I like the way it feels.”

“I have no problem with journalists – many are friends. Only if they are really stupid, or if they’ve got bad breath, or if they smell. Yesterday [after the Chanel couture show] I had a problem. I said, ‘I’m sorry, you’ve got to tell this woman that she needs to be taken away. Her smell is not possible.’ ”

"I don’t need meetings. I’m only interested in my own opinion anyway."

Gems! Gems! These are all gems!

He buys his shoes small cause he likes the way it feels. It's so masochistic, so insane, so, so, so...Karl!

I worship Karl Lagerfeld, he is too brilliant for words.

Christian Bale in Armani PLUS his hot wheels

Scottie N. sent this image to my inbox this morning (a huge thank you for that!). How did he know I was scouring the internet yesterday for quite such a thing?

All I have to say about it is:

OMG. OMG. Oh. My. God.

Words. Words. I have no words.

I need to sit and be quiet for a while.

Christian Bale in Armani

I'm so excited! The sublime Christian Bale is decked out in hand-tailored Giorgio Armani gear in the latest Batman flick, due out this weekend.

Just for the record, I will faithfully battle the weekend summer blockbuster crowds and line up to see this movie, 6 months pregnant and all, because I want to see him in his Armani suits.

And I don't even give a rat's fanny about Batman.

Would write more, friends, but my mind is too addled with thoughts of Christian Bale dressed to the nines as billionaire playboy Bruce Wayne.

Hubba!!!!

From here to maternity

Imagine wearing this crazy getup during your pregnancy? I don't flippin think so.

Thank heavens the floaty silhouette is in this summer, or else I'd be up fatso creek without a paddle.

I am "in the family way" (isn't that the dumbest expression ever?) and let me tell you, finding cute clothes that fit isn't so easy.

Sure, you hear that it's easy, and in theory, you think, why yes, I can be a fashionable pregnant lady.

Um, no you can't.

Because:
1) Maternity pants fall down and make your ass look saggy
2) You can't wear really flat shoes or really high heels. In fact, experts recommend a two-inch broad-soled shoe. Right. Did you read that? Have you even seen a pair of shoes that match that description other than in an old-lady shoe shop?
3) All those well-shod pregnant celebrities are buying clothes at boutiques you can't possibly afford
4) Gap is closing down it's maternity sections in Canada. So you're stuck with Old Navy instead. I can wear Gap, I can't wear Old Navy. You can try. More power to you.

Luckily I'm still able to fit some of my sundresses and blouses from last summer, and the few things I did buy at regular stores are billlowy.

Is this the world's cheapest dress?

This dress costs $8.98 at Steve & Barry's, the chain store that Sarah Jessica Parker designed her line "Bitten" for.

I read this story yesterday in the New York Times. How do Steve & Barry's do it? Nothing in the store costs more than $9, and we're talking jeans and shoes here, peeps.

I once bought a dress from Canadian discount clothes retailer Joe Fresh, regular retail price, $12. It had dainty working covered buttons on the side, adjustable spaghetti straps, and a considerable amount of pintucking below the bust. While I was paying for it, the dress boggled my mind. How could it only be $12? I decided it must be a loss-leader....like those sale-type items that stores promote just to get folks in the door, even though they don't make any profit, they get you buying other incidental goodies at full price.

But perhaps not. Steve & Barry's owners (it's a private company) say that they have slim margins and do everything budget-style, and use cheap labour (no kidding on that one).

SJP wore this dress out recently.

But the question is, should you?

Jelly shoes are back. You likey?

Jelly shoes! Remember the 80s? Stirrup pants (wasn't allowed to have them) and jelly shoes (also wasn't allowed to have them) and jelly bracelets (thankfully was allowed to have those) were big.

So...do you like these?

I flippin hate them.

Givenchy jelly shoes in baby pink, featured prominently on Style.com. Marc Jacobs did a version of them last year.

Jelly shoes are bad, people. Don't go there. They make your feet all sweaty and blister-prone. Sweaty feet means smelly feet.

And I'm not just saying that cause I wasn't allowed to have them.

Although that might play a small part in it.

Anna Wintour made the Rodarte sisters lose weight

If you've read this month's issue of Vogue, the one with the controversial Gisele/LeBron James cover, you'll find a particularly salacious article on how a Vogue editor approached the Rodarte sisters to "get healthy".

Of course, this is Anna Wintour's magazine, and you realize "get healthy" is really code for "lose weight, fatso."

She made Oprah lose weight to be on the cover of Vogue some years back. Yes. Oprah. Yes, that Oprah. Oprah. Yes. Holier-than-thou, beatified, sainted Oprah.

So, anyhow, the Rodarte girls are a bit chubby. I'd say voluptuous, but that would make them sound sexier than they are. So let's just stick with chubby. Why are they chubby? They sew lots of details on their sometimes kooky, sometimes beautiful dresses by hand. A lot of details. They're inside. A lot. They eat a lot of candy. They live in southern California. They drive everywhere and they don't get lots of exercise.

But now they're thinner, and they had to chronicle their "getting healther"/losing weight for Vogue. By their account, it sounded pretty miserable. Daily visits to a trainer, delivered meals (that part didn't sound so bad). And no candy.

Isn't Anna Wintour outrageous! She's great. She thinks people are too fat and she makes them diet.

Tom Ford in L.A.

Tom Ford is just impeccable. I love him.

Never much cared for his minimalist Gucci collections probably because I am not much into minimalism. I have too much untameable hair for minimalism. Though I very much respect how he turned that wrinkled, fusty Italian fashion house into something fabulous in the 90s.

LaineyGossip.com's been on a mini Tom Ford kick as of late. Here he is, snapped on a plane.

She says:

"While everyone else travels for comfort, Tom Ford gets on a plane in a 3 piece suit.

Do you love it, or do you LOVE it? "

Yes, I love it. Look at his shoes. Look at his pocket square. I love pocket squares. It's very hubba.

She also says some other hilarious, lascivious things, things that I can't repeat because unlike her Chinese mom, my Chinese mom/censor actually reads my blog (Hi Mom! Stop reading my blog now, ok?!)

You'll just have to read her post to see what she says.

Lainey that is. Not my mom.

Guess what! Another actress with a clothing line

I know. I know. I haven't blogged since, like, forever (months). I've been hibernating. It's been cold. What can I say.

Well, I can say this...

Another actress has...guess what. Guess what. Can you guess? Why, another actress has launched a clothing line, you silly goose!

This time it's fashion walking-disaster/visionary Chloe Sevigny. I can't even get into all the outfits she's foisted on us as I don't want you to have a nervous breakdown, but let it suffice to say that she once wore a pair of too-big heels, and secured them to her feet using big rubber bands.

She's released a whole lot of calico ugliness for Opening Ceremony in NYC.

(By the way...Opening Ceremony...most brilliant idea for a shop ever. Every year they carry one brand, culled from anywhere, recently UK's Topshop)

Anyhow, the whole thing is a big Who Cares, but if you want a laugh check out the catfight among commenters on nymag.com regarding their Chloe story: http://nymag.com/daily/fashion/2007/09/chloe_sevigny_designs_the_clot_1.html

Over and out, y'all.